On the Nature of God

I've recently been struggling with my understanding of the Bible.

I'm not going to say the Bible is the final authority on God, because, well, I can't.

I believe I hear from God. At least, I hear a voice in my head, and sometimes audibly, that gives me advice and explains the concepts that are basic to Christianity not only logically, but in ways I can put them into practice in my daily life.

But when I read the bible, the voice doesn't agree with everything in there?

So, I'm faced with a few questions.

Is the bible not completely accurate?
Or if it is, am I not hearing from God?

These questions have been burning in my lately, and I'm studying more and more of the history, from both secular and religious sources. Granted, I disregard the fundamentalists, because they are crazy and stupid. More destructive in their approach to their beliefs than they are helpful. I find them to usually be hateful and misguided people, more likely unwitting pawns of Satan if there is such a being.

However, I do qualify as a fanatic, which somewhat implies that my lot lies with them, or at least on their side of the fence.

My shepherd is leaving the path. The man whom I turned too for religious counsel has doubts. This isn't surprising. A lot of the most devout sometimes doubt. I don't. But then, I'm hardly devout. I'm practical. I'm a soldier of my God, prepared to fight ignorance, hate, prejudice, and selfishness while trying to promote open mindedness, love, and acceptance of each other in our differences. It's a long battle, and I doubt I'll do anything that really leaves a lasting mark. But wars are won by the small contributions of everyone who fights in them.

But it pains me I can't give my shepherd any concrete answers, even if he wouldn't accept them, in his time of questioning. As I'm locked into my own struggle of trying to find out where I stand.

My good friend suggested maybe it is time for a new bible. But I'm terribly concerned that such an act is a mistake born of terrible hubris. I'm not that arrogant, that I could have a better idea of who God is than everyone else.

But when I look at my brothers and sisters in Christ, I also think they are crazy and dangerous a lot of the time. It bothers me, but I've actually been considering my friend's suggestion. And I'm worried, because there is a selfish aspect of me that says, "Wouldn't it be cool if I could reshape the way man understands God, makes it better?"

THAT is Pride, and selfishness. I could never even attempt to transcribe words of divine origin while holding such a emotional or mental state. So at the moment, it's not a consideration. But seriously, the writings we have are... lacking. And the messages my current creed gives are contradictive, and counterintuitive.

Still, I serve the God that Christ did. Because I cannot abandon Christ, or his life and it's message. But I'm torn. I don't know what to do, and I'm struggling with my faith. Not in that I have faith, but in that I'm not certain how I should proceed.

Keep me in your prayers.

~Jera